The Goal of Mediation
The goal of this meeting is to help you work together to create a way to live happily together. It isn’t my role as a mediator to make a decision regarding your living situation. I am here to act as support to help you create a way to resolve the situations you are facing that works for all of you.
HomeRoom Mediation Ground Rules
Only one person is allowed to talk at a time. If you interrupt the person who is speaking, you will be asked to stop.
You will be expected to maintain a calm tone of voice. Shouting is not acceptable in this forum.
You will be expected to use “I” statements. We aren’t here to place blame. We are here to create solutions.
We aren’t here to rehash past situations, but we will need to talk about the issues creating conflict. To that end, I will ask you all to make specific statements about your concerns. Please, refrain from making generalizations about each other’s behaviors.
“I” statements:
“I” statements help us explain how other people’s actions influence us. They help us to explain our point of view without being attacking. This helps the individual making the statement to be heard, and it keeps the other individual from feeling defensive. An “I” statement is simply a statement that follows the pattern:
I feel ________when______because______, so I’m hoping______________.
For example,
I feel angry when you play your music loud late at night because I have to be up early in the morning and this feels disrespectful, so I’m hoping you will respect my need to sleep by using your headphones after 10 pm.
How to Prepare for Mediation
I would suggest that each of you create a list of potential rules that you would like agreed upon. This will give us an idea of what solutions you see to the issue you are concerned about.
Each person will be provided time to identify the issues as they perceive them. So, you may wish to spend some time thinking about what you wish to say in a non-confrontational manner. You will be expected to use “I” statements in identifying your grievances.
The Mediation Meeting
Introductions
Opening statements: Each of you will be given time to present the issues as they understand them. We are not here to argue about what happened but to establish the concerns for each person’s point of view. During a person’s opening statement everyone else is expected to listen. Interruptions are not allowed.
Brainstorming: We will discuss the options that could alleviate each individual’s concerns. It is not important that you agree with each issue that is brought up. We aren’t here to decide on what happened. We are here to establish boundaries that each of you can live with that will resolve the issues the other individuals are presenting.
Develop a plan: This plan will establish boundaries that each of you can live within. The plan should detail the responsibilities of each person involved. The plan should identify ways to ensure all parties are following through.
Develop a plan for future concerns: I would also suggest that we develop a plan of attack for preventing future conflicts. Having an agreed-upon plan for future disputes will help you avoid the level of household conflict that has led to your engagement in mediation.